Finally, you have met someone that is interested in having a relationship with you. So far, you have noted that they have a great personality and seem to have everything together. But, in conversation with your other friends, you also note that there is something strange about this new person.
They don't want to be close to you. In fact, the conversations that you have had this far do not stimulate deeper levels of understanding each other. Even stranger than this, they have made no attempt to initiate contact with you at the deeper levels that you are used to.
Understanding fear of intimacy and finding ways to move past it, no matter which side of the relationship you are on, can help you into better and deeper relationships. Intimacy does not have to be something to pull away from. In fact, you can consider it as being a 'raw human,' one that is able to understand other humans on a level that connects from our foundations of being.
What is Intimacy?
Too often, our society has defined intimacy in different ways than it should be. This is one of the major factors that have led to the fear of being intimate with another. Typically, our culture will state that intimacy means being in a serious relationship with another person. The intimacy is something that should occur behind closed doors, not as a public display. Too often, intimacy has been described as exposing oneself in ways that are uncomfortable.
Intimacy is more than the physical connection of closeness and moves beyond ideas of exposure that are too often demonstrated. Intimacy simply means to create a connection with another human being on a naturally human level. It can be anything that is authentic and genuine, creating a complete connection between two individuals walking through life. Intimacy is not anything but a human connection between two individuals that leads to better understandings of what life is about.
Intimacy, at its root levels, means making a connection. When doing this, it simply takes trust. When someone is unable to be intimate with you, it is most likely because there is a fear of trust. This is not necessarily happening because of you are. It is happening because it is a defense mechanism in order for the other person to protect what they believe they have or do not have. If they do not trust someone, they do not get hurt. This leads them into a consistent cycle of pushing others away and keeping themselves with their clothes on.
Fear of intimacy for others, and maybe for yourself, begins at the root level of not wanting to be exposed. However, intimacy does not have to stop at this fear. You can begin to make changes by trusting that life is fine, even if your clothes are off. Making small connections with others, as well as beginning to define what you need to do to build levels of trust can lead you into being able to shake off your fears and begin to reach out to others on deeper levels.
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